Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
mondays should just be called national damage control day
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Randomize
