Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I think my moral compass just broke
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