Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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