actually, I'm a sock model
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
