Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
