Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
