you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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