Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I wish i was in the wii world.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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