So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
cat food counts as protein by the way
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
