Betty ford says i'm here all night
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
