you have to choose: penises or morals?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
