did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
