First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
