Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize