Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
