It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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