hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
