i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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