Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm always down for nudity.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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