I should be sponsored by Trojan
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
