Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
