Screwed.edu
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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