I wish my penis had an off switch
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
