I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There's always time for handjobs
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
