as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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