you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
