You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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