Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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