So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
