I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize