hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
