youre lurking in front of me
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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