the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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