yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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