i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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