U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
