Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Drunk is a universal language darling
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
