my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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