the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
