u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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