Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
