you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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