the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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