I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
