You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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