Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
