I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
