I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
