laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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