An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
