They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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