I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
