Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Your cock deserves a montage
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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