I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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