Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
