if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
