And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
