our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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