I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize