My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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