also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
