I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
