Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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