Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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