I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
