Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
