FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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