Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
