There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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