Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
