Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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