She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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