You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i think i have herpe
just one?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
There r osticjed everywhere
they're like a gay fantastic four
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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