so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
