Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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