So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
