happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
