Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
