If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
how does that bad decision feel?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
