I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
