saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
